By April 7, 2011

Hi! We’re Google and we’re pretty not evil.

Hi. we're Google, and we're totally dedicated to the concept of free and open source software. Well, pretty dedicated. 

Okay, we're dedicated, just as long as it suits our purposes.

And the purposes of the carriers who put an old version of our OS on their locked-down phones.

I mean, yes, you know and I know that you can hack them and download an update and probably get it to work. Only takes a couple of hours.

But hey, it's not like you get an Android free phone for free. Carriers have to make money too. And allowing them to lock down our free software is what makes our free software truly free!

You see, all software should be free and open and unrestricted, like the software in the Android Marketplace. It's our store, and it's dedicated to that fact. 

Unless someone complains about an app, of course. I mean, yeah, if the record labels had complaints, they should have taken them up with Grooveshark and not us. But since they did… okay. Gone. Zap.

But don't worry, 'cause we have our own service we'll be introducing soon. And it's going to be free! Really free! Totally free.

What? Of course there will be ads. Lots of them.

But they'll be personalized ads that you're going to want to see, all based upon our detailed records of your search and browser history. Well, those records, and the contents of your Gmail account… and then there's Google Docs… and, ah… 

Never mind.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Free and open. Like I was saying, all software should be free and open for anyone to change and inspect and…

What? Our software? Gmail and Maps and our search technology? Hell no! That's our software, with all of our proprietary concepts and ideas. 

To make it open would be to let just anyone use it however they wanted! I mean, people could use it to compete with us!

Just look at the Java JVM for Pete's sake! Oracle left the source to that open, and what happened? Someone just walked in and stole the whole thing! That's right. They changed just enough to pass a probable copyright suit and… What? We did that? 

Never mind. 

The point is, that other software, the open source software, that stuff should be open. It should be free and open for anyone to change and inspect and use how they wish. We need to trust our users to do the right thing. And our users need to be able to trust us.

Manufacturers, however, are sneaky bastards, and can't be trusted at all. That's why we're withholding the Honeycomb source from our trusted users and partners and manufacturers.

You'll just screw it up, and then everyone will blame us.

It's for your own good really. 

Trust us.

Besides, we promise to make it open again. Someday. Soon. Real soon. Scout's Honor. 

We're Google and we're not evil. 

Well, pretty not evil, at least.

So. Now that that's settled.. want to see some ads?

[Read More: Google – Do No Evil

[via Mashable]

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